I am sure most of us can resonate with the following situation:
We offer a piece of advice to someone we care because they seem to be having trouble. However, you notice that they don’t take the advice. Worse yet, they start to critique your advice and the conversation somehow turns into a heated debate.
We ask ourselves, why are they so ungrateful, and why do we even bother?
Well, here are some tips that may help,
- Did they really ask for your advice? When people talk to us about their trouble. Most of the time they just want someone to listen. It’s often us the listener who jumps into the conclusion that they need our help. Offering our own opinions/advice also gives us a sense of superiority and control. That’s why we love giving out advice so much.
- We just don’t know the whole picture. No matter how hard we try to “walk in their shoes”, all we are doing is only assessing the situation based on our perspective and experience.
- They have probably heard of something similar before, especially if you notice the person keeps coming back with the same question. There are many reasons for them not turning the insights you (and others) have offered into action – and you are NOT one of the reasons. Be patient, don’t take it personally.
- They need to come up with their own solution. As much as we see ourselves as rational beings, we often get caught up with our own ego, beliefs, and emotions. This probably sounds cliché – but we are not ready when our heart isn’t there.
The best way to support the person is to let them figure out a way that works best for them. Ask them a lot of questions and let them talk. Silly as it sounds, people do need to “talk out loud” to understand themselves. Sometimes we the listeners are simply there just so that people feel supported as they go through the problem-solving process.