When we find ourselves at odds with someone, how often do we say things like this in our head?
“XXX thinks I am wrong/bad but I think XXX is mistaken.”
“XXX is working against me!”
“I found XXX is so discouraging – they are always judging me!”
Oh, how our mind loves the black-and-white scenario, the self-image of a misunderstood victim who needs to avenge oneself. But are we certain that is what is happening? What if all of these are actually us projecting our own doubts and insecurities on other people?
Author and Toltec spiritualist Don Miguel Ruiz said this so beautifully in his book, “The Four Agreements”
“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
Some said we live in different “worlds” because everyone has a different set of beliefs and faces different kinds of challenges. We can only act and give opinions according to the “world” we live in. So when we take things personally, we ignore the fact that the other person is only acting in their habitual ways. We assume that we are actually the centre of the other person’s world, and at the same time, the other person knows our world better than we do. Sounds a bit bizarre, isn’t it?
So next time when our mind is about to make up another “me versus them” story, pause on the “them” part but instead ask ourselves “why am I upset?”.